you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
