Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
