His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
