If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am available for nakedness
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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