Kiss
Puke
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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