i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
