i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Couch. On fire.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
