Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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