So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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