Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
