Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
