I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
