And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
