I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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