is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
