she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
