Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
