I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
