I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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