wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
