i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
