dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
