I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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