I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
