can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
