yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
