I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
