Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
