Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
