She tied me up with her honor cords...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
