The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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