I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
