I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
