he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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