One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
