oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
