i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
