I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize