i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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