it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize