my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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