Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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