I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
