She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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