I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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