Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize