its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to make out with him forever
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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