fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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