There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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