i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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