I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
