man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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