at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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