Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
