i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize