Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
