my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
