So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
