You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I faked an abortion last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
