nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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