I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
