So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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