Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
