will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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