why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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