There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
