The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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