soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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