My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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