Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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