dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
