seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize