Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
