just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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