I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
