Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
