i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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