Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
