You smell like a Billy Joel song
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
