Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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