My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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