By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
