His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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