sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize