There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Randomize
