just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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