he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
