So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
