U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wear drunk well.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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