I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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